Just a little too far
by Buffy2204
Summary: Sam is looking forward to a nice, quiet time in her lab when guess who shows up.


_Hello, just a quick one because I can't sleep. This popped into my head and made me laugh so I'd thought I'd share. Sorry if the writing, grammar, punctuation and spelling are a mess, its 11 o'clock and I think I might collapse. Love to know what you think. _

_I apologise to stargatefan777 for shamelessly stealing your idea. To be fair I haven't actually read your fanfic, just the title and summary so if this is anything like yours I sincerely apologise over and over. Yours is probably better written anyway. _

_Good night, y'all. _

_Oh and I don't own anything or any of these characters and stuff._

_

* * *

_

Samantha Carter casually strolled down the corridor flipping through the pages of a report from SG-9. It seems they discovered a new 'doohickey' (as Colonel O'Neill would say) that just begged to be played with. Sam grinned just thinking about the item; just imagine…a whole, _working_, alien device and it was all hers for the next couple of hours until the team was free from the last catastrophe that mutilated the science lab.

Sighing in satisfaction she turned the corner into her lab to be met by the worst thing that she could possibly hope to meet at that particular moment in time. A creature so horrible, so vile and repulsive that she swore that she actually threw up a little in her mouth when she saw it. The shock was so unexpected, so unwelcome that she seriously considered going to the infirmary for a check up and one of Janet's large needles rather than face the thing that awaited her. There, sitting at _her_ desk, typing on _her _laptop with a smirk that just made her want to wring his little neck was…

McKay

She stopped still in the doorway and placed an irritated hand on her hip. Breathing slowly and counting to ten she closed her eyes and prayed to God to give her strength. Opening them again she looked up to see McKay's attention shifted to her. The smirk grew to twice its size until a glint of teeth were visible under his lip.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she said venomously.

"Why Samantha, it's wonderful to see you too," he said brightly "I'm fine, thanks for asking,"

She glared at him deciding whether to just leave, beat him to a pulp or try to be pleasant and eventually figure out why he's here. She figured the latter would be the most productive.

"Hello Doctor, how are you?" she said mimicking his tone. "Get out off my lab," she growled.

"Now Sama-"

"Get out!" she said taking a threatening step towards him. He jumped from her seat and cowered behind the desk using it as a shield.

"Major, I-"

"OUT!" she roared. His eyes went wide as she approached him.

"Ma-"

"NOW! OUT!" Sam yelled. He scurried to the door and stopped at the door way, he turned and opened his mouth as if to say something "KREE!" That did it; he was out the door and down the corridor before you could say 'Jaffa in a Jam jar'.

Ok so she still didn't know why he was there but she had to admit, _that_ was fun. She smiled to herself as she sat down to check the damages done to her laptop. Damn! He must have closed everything down when she came in the room.

"Whatcha doin'?" she jumped at her CO's voice so close to her ear. "Woah! Carter, easy. McKay's gone,"

"Did _you_ let him in here?" she said rounding on the Colonel. He stepped back hands in the air in mock surrender.

"Don't look at me," he grinned. God, she loved that smile.

_MAJOR CARTER! REPORT TO GENERAL HAMMONDS IMEDIATELY PLEASE!_

The intercom blared through the speakers and Colonel O'Neill gave her a smug grin.

"Guess who's in trouble," he said in a sing song voice, for once, glad, it wasn't him being called.

"I can give an educated guess, sir," she smiled at his childish demeanour before heading out the lab. "Don't touch anything," she said just in time to see him quickly replace a piece of highly expensive equipment.

"I wasn't," he said innocently.

"Uh huh," she said disbelievingly.

"Give him hell, Carter,"

"Yes sir," she called back down the corridor.

* * *

"With all due respect, sir. What do you mean he's on the SG-9 project?" Sam said almost squeaking at the General. "I have done nothing that encouraged this kind of action!"

McKay stood in the corner of the office with a happy grin plastered over his smug face.

"I haven't even started the project," she finished.

"And that's exactly why I'm here," McKay interrupted. "You see, the Pentagon feel that you have too large a work load at the moment with all the recent discoveries and that another hand would be helpful,"

"I'll tell you where you can stick that hand-"

"MAJOR!" General Hammond finally spoke up. She snapped to attention. "McKay is here on a _temporary_ basis, _deal with it_," McKay's grin was almost too much until Hammond trained his piercing gaze on him. "You!" Did McKay just whimper? "If you annoy Major Carter or cause her to loose concentration in any way, don't expect me to come to your rescue because anything she does as a result…I may just turn a blind eye to," and with that threat he dismissed them with a wave of his hand.

* * *

"You think you're better than me, don't you?" McKay said later on that day. Sam sighed, they had just had a blissfully quiet couple of hours, why did he have to go and spoil it? Putting down her pen she turned to face McKay who was sitting next to her.

"Why would I ever think that?" she smirked.

"You do, don't you?"

She shook her head and got back to working.

"Well, I've got a news flash for you, Major," McKay said smugly "I can do anything you do, possibly even better,"

"Oh really?" she said, giving up on her work and turning to face him fully. "Can you simulate a wormhole bending to compensate for anomalies in space in under 10 minutes just before jumping into said wormhole?"

"Of course,"

"Can you fire a P-90 with such precision that you can hit a swinging rope from 20 metres away?"

He produced a card from his wallet "Passed basic weapon handling for the SGC last month,"

"That doesn't prove anything!" she scoffed.

"Well how do I know _you_ can even do it, Major?"

"I have witnesses!" she shouted.

"So have I!"

She gave up and turned back to her work for some silence.

"Just can't stand being wrong, can you?" he taunted.

"Can you do this?" she said sticking out her tongue and making it touch her nose. She knew it was childish but, hey, why not? To her credit, McKay did look utterly impressed for a few seconds before sticking his own tongue out and failing miserably. "See?" she said with an immense sense of pride.

"That's pathetic," McKay said "Why would anyone want to do that?"

"You're just jealous because you can't do it," she grinned.

"I'm good at important things,"

She snorted at his last sentence. "Like what? Avoiding lemons?"

"No!" he said. Then he became quite thoughtful and it scared Sam a little. "Expressing my feelings," another snort from the blonde Major. McKay glared. "Having a good and rewarding relationship with children," a louder snort. "I'm spontaneous!" he almost shouted. Sam couldn't contain herself, tears were coming out of her eyes.

"I'm spontaneous!" It was McKay's turn to snort.

It was at this moment Colonel O'Neill entered the lab, his happy grin and total ignorance to the conversation evident.

"How are the happy campers?" he asked.

Sam stood up, walked up to her commanding officer, took his head in her hands and brought his lips to hers in a passionate embrace. She broke off the kiss and turned to McKay with a body language that just screamed 'I told ya so'.

The poor Colonel completely confused and not quite sure if he was in the right reality went to ask McKay if what had happened…_had_ really happened. Instead Jack turned just in time to see McKay approach him, take Jack's head in his hands and give him a quick kiss on the lips.

The silence that followed was that of a shocked and slightly befuddled nature in which the Colonel decided that he'd much rather bother Daniel today and left the lab.

"_You_ didn't think I'd do it, did you?" McKay said triumphantly.

"Granted, I did think you'd wait until a _female_ member of staff arrived,"

FIN


End file.
